How To Hide The Truth
by Lisa Arken
Summary: Ever wondered what would have happened if Jess hadn't been killed by Yellow Eyes? What would have Sam's and Dean's life been like after their reunion? / My own little AU world considering those circumstances. / Implied Sam/Dean!


A huge 'thank you' to the great Cameo Rose Lane who was my beta reader for this OS!  
>I hope y'all like it. Click the review button and let me know!<p>

Love, Lisa.

_PS:_ Lyrics are from the song 'Last Kiss Goodbye' by Hinder. Go check it out, it's awesome! 3

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><p><span>How To Hide The Truth<span>

_Another lonely night_

_You said you were just going out with your friends_

_I'm waiting up this time, I hope you didn't lie_

_It never used to be like this way back when_

The narrow frat room was wrapped in almost complete darkness. Only the moon, shining through the window, lit up the large bed that seemed gigantic compared to the small room. The young woman sitting on it had drawn up her knees against her chest and the skinny, naked arms wound around her legs tightly. With a closer look, wet trails of tears could be seen running down her cheeks, glistening in the pale moonlight. The ticking of the wall clock interrupted the silence periodically and echoed like a dull noise in her ears.

Pieces of her blond hair lost their grip behind her ear and fell in her eyes, tangling up in the dark lashes. But she didn't seem to care. Her gaze restlessly shifted from the clock to the bright moon and back. She was waiting. Waiting for the door to open before the stroke of midnight.

Soon she heard muted footsteps. The light remained off, he presumably thought she would already be asleep.

Creaking quietly the door opened, the floor boards groaned nearly soundlessly beneath heavy boots, rustling a jacket landed on a chair.

As her face was brightened by the moon again, the night-time's visitor stopped dead in his tracks. "Jess?"

Face blank she glared up to him. "Sam?"

"I thought…," he combed through his tousled hair, "…you'd already be asleep."

"I waited for you." Although she tried to banish the accusation from her voice, she didn't quite manage to do so.

He sank down on the mattress next to her and started to pull off his boots. "I told you I'll probably be late."

She didn't respond to that. Her gaze went back to the circle moon outside as if she was magically drawn towards it. "Where have you been?"

His muffled sigh reached her ear. "You know that. I told you Dean and I'd go for a drink." His tone reminded of someone trying to make a toddler understand something actually oh so simple.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. During the following silence the clock's tick-tock sank back into her awareness and let her vibrate on the inside. It was a soothing, even rhythm that yet gave her a headache. "I'm afraid that's a pretty common thing lately."

Another sigh from him. "What do you mean by that?"

She didn't answer. Inside of her an uneasy feeling began to gnaw away at her guts and it seemed it was going to suffocate her.

"I just haven't seen him in four years," he continued, "And –"

She cut him off with a plain movement of her hand, but didn't tear her eyes away from the somehow mystic sight. "…you have to make up for lots of lost time. I get that." She exhaled heavily. "I just wonder if there's something else you gotta make up for by any chance."

Sam had almost missed the whispered words and went quiet for a moment. Mutely he buried his face in his hands.

Both of them didn't say anything for awhile and the silence spreading out in the room seemed to crush everything and made Jessica move her gaze away. It went towards the young man sitting on the bed frame at a short distance. The moonlight didn't light up his face but she yet knew he wasn't looking at her. The familiar tingling on her skin of his eyes on her didn't appear. Because she was sitting within the light's cone her eyes wouldn't fully get used to the darkness, so she could only guess his silhouette.

It was weird. Usually she would find him even both blind and deaf but lately a distance seemed to have developed between the two of them that would separate them more and more and left a stale aftertaste. And tonight, once again, the wall appeared to be particularly solid.

If she thought about it properly, it had started as Sam's older brother had shown up.

Sam had spoken about him once or twice before and every time it had sounded like they never had gotten along very well. And now it happened way too often that Sam came home late in the night – or sometimes didn't come at all – and occasionally even stayed out for a few days. He always blamed his brother and some fishing trips or bar hops. He never noticed she would stay up beyond midnight on those nights, waiting for him, only to eventually fall asleep with tears on her cheeks.

Although she didn't know him she cursed Dean for it. For the fact that the man she intended to marry someday apparently chose the brother he hadn't seen or heard from in four years over her. For the fact that there still had to be some secret she didn't know about. Maybe it was just intuition, but that something somehow wasn't alright at all ate away at her.

Despite the space between them she could make out an unfamiliar smell on Sam. A smell that neither belonged to her nor to him. Her heart clenched painfully. Although the idea of the possibility that Sam was cheating on her and met other women during the nights she waited for him in vain, wasn't exactly new to her – considering his behavior, what was she supposed to assume? –, it did smart more than just a little.

After a short period of time her sigh cut through the silence. "You're out all the time, sometimes you don't even come home at all. I mean, what am I supposed to think, huh?" She turned her head but Sam strictly avoided looking her in the eyes. That really stung but she bravely squared his shoulders and took a breath.

He ran his hands through his bangs. "Jess, I…" Apparently he didn't know what to say.

Even though she planned on not to lose her temper her emotions slowly rushed to the surface. Her tone grew fierce. "Sam, tell me where you've been. And I mean the truth."

He murmured something under his breath she didn't quite catch but before she could ask he turned to face her.

The expression he was wearing literally left her speechless. She wasn't really able to describe it properly, it was a mixture of pain, admission of guilt and something she failed to name that reflected on his features. "It was the truth."

She abruptly pushed herself off the bed. "How stupid do you think I am? You think I don't notice?" With quick steps she reached the door, flicking on the light switch. The ceiling light inflamed dimly. She didn't let her eyes get used to the bit of brightness but fixed her gaze on Sam who stood up now, as well. She was so close to him the strange scent lingering on him along with a slight tang of alcohol went directly into her nose. She was completely caught by surprise by the fact that it wasn't the soft, flowery scent of a woman she would have expected, what left her pretty much wordless.

Sam rubbed his hand over his face. "It's not what you think it is." His eyes roamed around the room, avoiding hers. She, however, stared at him furiously by now. "What do I think it is, Sam? You tell me! 'Cause I don't know what to think anymore." She didn't care that her voice threatened to crack towards the end what earned a shocked look from Sam, and bit her lower lip.

God knows she had been watching them drifting further and further apart long enough without lifting a finger. Watching everything starting to crumble. And he goddamn owed her. He owed telling her the truth.

For a moment it seemed like he wanted to touch her, brushing over her arm, but her dismissive pose made him hesitate. He lowered his hand.

When he just stared on the floor between them a sigh escaped her.

"Sam, is there another woman?" she asked straightforward, trying to catch his eyes. He seemed so surprised he actually looked at her for a few seconds, before turning back away.

That he didn't say a word was way more painful for her than if he had just confirmed her assumption. She resisted the urge to grab and shake him so he would finally talk to her. The knowledge – or at least the hunch – that there was a hell of a lot more to it caused her almost physical hurt.

"Sam, please!" She didn't want to beg but she feared her voice did exactly sound like it. "If there is, tell me. But don't keep silent, I can't bear that."

His eyes went back to her and pain was mirrored in them. An expression she hadn't expected. Every word she was going to say got stuck in her throat. Because now she knew what is was she could read in his face but earlier she hadn't known how to specify it: Hatred. Not for her but for himself. The contempt in his eyes was turned on himself.

Involuntarily, she reached out and cupped his cheek with her hand. He flinched almost unnoticeably but then just let it happen. A mute sigh slipped over his lips.

"What is it?" she whispered voicelessly because somehow she seemed to lack any energy all of a sudden. In her head there was a giant whirl and behind her temples it began to throb thanks to the desperate attempt to understand. "Gosh, just tell me what's going on here."

Sam turned his head away as something glistening in the moonlight ran down his face. Perhaps it had just been an illusion because when he spoke again his voice was quiet but steady. "I can't."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Powerlessly she sank back on the bed. Her hair messily hung into her face, singe hairs sticking to her tear-stained skin. Her lips began to shake and she took a deep breath to calm herself down. She finally wanted to know what was happening, for Christ's sake.

"Listen, Jess…," Sam began but cut himself off right away. She noticed his hand trembled as he carded it through his hair. "It's really not what it looks like. I'm not… There's no other woman."

She didn't dare to sigh in relief although she believed him. Because according to his tone his words definitely sounded like there was a 'but' coming. A 'but' she wouldn't like.

"But?" she pushed and tried to banish the trembling from her voice.

He turned to face her. "I don't know how to explain. It's … complicated." And he trailed off again.

"Isn't it always complicated?" She sighed silently and it sounded like she was on the point to just resign, end their conversation and go back to normal. She was almost sure by now she didn't even want to know the truth.

Suddenly Sam's expression changed and he started pacing. "That's not what I mean. You wouldn't understand." Yet again he ran his hands through his hair and tugged at a few strands that had tangled up in one another.

Jessica dropped her shoulders. "Try me. Please!" She was afraid she would go crazy any time soon.

He hesitated for a moment before just slumping down on the bed. "Well, you know, I … haven't seen Dean in awhile," he started off carefully.

She nodded her head and swallowed hard. Of course, it was about his older brother. That guy caused nothing but trouble. Since he'd turned up everything had changed.

Her jaws made a silent crack as she gritted her teeth. But she swallowed down her anger to keep listening to Sam.

"And when he suddenly showed up again… I mean we've never been exactly greeting card perfect but he's still my brother, you know. And he asked me for help."

When he didn't seem to have the intention to continue she raised her gaze to look at him. "Help for what?" She thought she'd seen a dark shade flashing over his features, but wasn't quite sure, and his shoulders tensed. But it was probably her imagination and the dim light playing a trick on her vision.

He looked past her but his eyes didn't focus on anything in particular. "It's about Dad," he finally said with an undertone to his voice she wasn't able to define. Yet she knew Sam's relationship with his father wasn't exactly one of the easiest.

Quickly he shook his head and his expression changed back. Sealed up, like it does every time he brought up his father.

Instinctively, she grabbed his upper arm and had almost expected him to flinch. But when he actually did it stung a lot more then she had thought it would.

Immediately, he looked at her apologetically, she drew her hand back nevertheless, but she was already so close the smell she had been noticing but didn't know how to classify hit her again.

It had faded by now, wasn't nearly as strong as it had been as Sam had returned, but still notable.

She couldn't explain why she hadn't paid attention to it in the first place. Presumably, she had just been too relieved Sam wasn't cheating on her.

Not with a woman, anyway. Because the scent hadn't anything soft or light to it. It didn't remind her of perfume, either. There was something earthy and rough to it. And it definitely didn't belong to Sam. His own smell only came through faintly, because she was so familiar with it, it wouldn't stick out anymore. The light was still low but as Sam tilted his head and she now suddenly seemed to register every little detail more than before, she only now noticed the dark spot about an inch above his clavicle that had been hidden perfectly by his collar before. Automatically, she reached out for it. But before her fingertips could meet his skin Sam became aware of her motion and jumped off the bed and to his feet so fast that if she had blinked she would have missed it. When he avoided her gaze she pressed her lips together so hard they built a thin line.

"Sam?" it escaped her in a tone that sounded strange even to her. Her voice was angry but shaky and uncertain at the same time. She closed her mouth again because she almost knew she was going to sob if she would go on.

Sam absent-mindedly reached for his neck and his eyes sought for something they could hold on to, so he wouldn't have to look at her. "I…"

She pushed off the mattress and approached his with short steps. The emotions inside of her were raging and she wasn't able to count and name each one of them. She felt pain and numbness. Love and hate. Anger and indifference. Everything got mixed up and blurry, just like the room in front of her eyes when they filled with tears.

"You told me, you're not cheating on me!" It couldn't be described as yelling because she had to make sure her voice wouldn't break and otherwise it would have.

Sam winced, though, and was about to make a step backwards. He raised his hands in a protective manner. "I didn't want… I've… Dean… He –" He cut himself off midsentence when he realized in no case he should have said that name. He shouldn't have named any names at all. He should have made up a story that sounded somewhat believable, and should have told it to her as authentically as anyhow possible.

While he was still shocked about himself and his stupid slip, drawing in a sharp breath and about to bury his face in his hands, Jessica wished he would have told that story. She would have wanted to believe it so badly.

Because as her brain put all the missing puzzle pieces together her head jolted up. In Sam's eyes she could read the answer she had been searching for. And it seemed to suffocate her.

"No," she choked out almost without a sound, shook her head and backed away from him, feeling like she was going to throw up. "No, that… I don't believe you." But inside of her she _knew_ she did.

Sam closed his eyes in pain due to her reaction. "Jess, I'm sorry." His voice sounded like it was going to crack every next moment. "I didn't wanna… I'm so incredibly –"

"Stop it!" she interrupted him harshly. "Don't say you're sorry. Just … don't." She pressed her hand in front of her mouth to repress a sob. "I wanted to marry you. I would've done everything for you. And you? You got nothing better to do than go and fuck your brother!"

Sam winced like she'd slapped him. He clenched his eyes for a second and obviously struggled to pull himself together. Then he slowly approached her. "Jess, I –"

This time she slapped him for real. The smack across his face had been hard. Sam gritted his teeth due to the burning sting in his cheek. Then a sad smile built on his lips. "I guess I deserved that."

Her anger was gone. Tired she was. Her entire body ached and inside of her a numbing coldness spread, covering everything. Shivering she wrapped her arms around herself.

"I…," Sam began quietly, attracting her attention. "I'm gonna go."

She knew what he meant by that. He would choose his brother over her, drop out of college and get into the family business. Exactly what he'd never wanted to do. What he'd been running from.

Her stomach clenched, yet she nodded.

He hesitated for a moment, then approached the closet and pulled rucksack and a bag out of it. While he began to gather all his belongings and hastily stuffed them into the bags, she stood beside nearly lifelessly. She didn't want to say anything and wasn't able to move, either. The tick of the clock appeared louder than ever before and rushed in her ears, causing turmoil inside her head.

A slight cough let her mind snap back to reality. Sam stood by the door, hand hovering over the handle. His expression was tight but yet she could recognize the hurt in his features. "I'm sorry."

She still wouldn't say anything. Then he opened the door and disappeared. In sync with the bang of the door clicking shut her heart seemed to shatter to pieces.

**The end**_  
><em>

_When you walked in so damn late_

_What the hell was I supposed to think?_

_When you've had too much to drink and you're really looking guilty_

_When you wouldn't even look at me_

_There's only one thing it could be, you were with him all this time_


End file.
